internship | SALTBURNT 💙 INBOX

[ For a second, Gwen thinks she’s missed a message from Ash—something that would contextualize the mid-conversation leap, until she clicks on the video.

Gwen lets it loop a few times too many. Ash hasn’t—let her see or touch him yet, only the shape of him through his slacks or his sweats, thick and hot when he pulls her into his lap. She’s been waiting, and she wants him, and sometimes she feels like she’d do anything for exactly what she’s watching right now, her cheeks burning.

She knows he’s fucking Embry. Guilt and desire twist sharp in her gut, and dots appear and disappear a few times as she starts to type, erases, tries again. ]

Daddy. [ So he knows it’s her. ]

Did you, um

mean to show me this?

( ah — a guilt trickles into his stomach, like drip coffee. not that he wouldn't show this to gwen, not that she isn't allowed entry into their inner sanctum, but because things with embry are ... tense. reasonably shaky. it puts gwen in an awkward position. )

Sorry, honey. I sent that to Greer — it seems Tony is messing with the network.

( from his experience? a very likely thing for him to do.

however, call this curiosity, )

Did you like what you saw?

[ Honey soothes something in her, even if answering honestly feels loaded. Complicated. ]

I feel like I shouldn’t say yes. But [ The whole honest answer, then. It still takes her a while to type things like this. ]

Seeing you inside him makes me want

to know what that’s like. I want to see how big you are in my hand and against my thigh and

inside me, like you’re inside him

It's okay. I want you to be honest.

( always, in whatever she's feeling. core tenets that ash lives by — gwen apparently understands it. why can't embry? )

Embry doesn't have a pretty little cunt like yours. You see? Watch it again. I've been fucking that hole for fifteen years, on and off. He's lovely, don't you think so? Honesty, again. Do you think I've been neglecting you, in denying you what you want? I know I'm heavy handed with firsts. I'm as obsessed with them as I am with you. There's just nothing about you that I ever want to rush.

He is. [ Lovely. One of the most devastatingly handsome men Gwen has ever met, and—she really doesn’t know what to make of him, especially now. ]

Did he tell you he returned my panties?

[ It takes her longer to answer his second question, typing and deleting again. ]

I don’t think you’re neglecting me. I think

I worry I’m not being good enough. Or that you’ll change your mind about this?

[ Gwen hasn’t put that feeling to words, before now, and seeing it on her screen makes her feel shy, a small twist of shame knotting in her gut. ]

I just don’t want to disappoint you

I told him to. One of the rare times Embry actually listened to me. That's something.

( he considers the rest of it with some deep introspection — a furrow on his brow, a fist at his chin, poised in thought. it's not that ash is incapable of being swayed, just that it's comparable to persuading a tree branch to twist the other way. something that happens in nature, to be sure. without the meddling of men. )

You could never disappoint me, Gwen. Certainly not like this. Do you want to know why I wait? The things that I say to you sometimes. The demeaning things, the ways that I treat you, how I hold you, what I do. It's all for fun, of course, but without us having a strong foundation, it veers to cruelty. I don't ever want you to mistake our time together for disrespect. It's not about you being good enough. You're amazing, Gwen, and I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true. You deserve to have someone who cares about your feelings, someone who regards you as precious. That's what this is — me, trying to take care of you. To be good to you. Every time I deny myself you, which is very hard, by the way, when I want nothing more than to fuck that pretty cunt of yours, I'm reminding myself that you're something to be treasured. Nothing rushed. Every moment with you is special to me.

[ It strikes something tender in her, that he cares. That what she has with Ash—it’s different from what she has with anyone else, here. Slow and deliberate, intentional. Gwen knows he wouldn’t hurt her. ]

You know—

I spend a lot of time making sure people take me seriously. Because I know I’m the youngest person in the room. Because sometimes I’m the only girl in a room full of men who think they know better than me.

But you’ve taken me seriously from the beginning. I haven’t had to work at it, with you. And that means a lot to me.

So I guess

it feels really good to not have to be smart when I’m with you. To turn off that part of my brain that has to be 10 steps ahead just to stay in the room.

And I want more of that feeling. You switching my brain off. You telling me what I’m good for. What you want to do to me.

I'll always take care of you.

( an oath, from a king, on bended knee and sworn between the white oak acorn trees and still, holy waters of the lake. ash never says anything without meaning it. )

And I enjoy that moment. Getting to see you turn your big brain off, letting me take the reigns and control of you. Because we have trust, and you know I wouldn't do anything to undermine that offering. Do you want to know what you're good for? And what I want to do to you?

Thank you. 💙

[ Simple, but Gwen means that in earnest, too. ]

Yes, please. But can I tell you

what I want you to do to me? The things I can’t stop thinking about?

Tell me.

( and, in its own text: )

🖤

[ In some ways, it’s easier to hear it from Ash than to voice her own desires. It takes Gwen a minute to push past a brief second-guessing, momentarily shy. ]

You know I’ve slept with other men. But I’m still so new at all of this

I’m feeling most things out. I’m not good yet. I want you to teach me how to be good.

Correct me when I can do better. When I can—take a better picture of my tits for you. Work my mouth and my hands on your cock just right.

Maybe this is funny right after saying I like not having to work at being the smartest in the room, when I’m with you, but I guess I still like

being the best. Being praised for improving. I want you to push me so I can be the best for you, Daddy.

You want to earn it.

( he concludes, maybe oversimplifying the confession a little — but he understands that drive. ash has never met anything he hasn't wanted to practice and excel at, and by in large, he gets it done eventually. (except, dancing. never cracked that one.) )

Top marks for Ms. Stacy? I'm a famously difficult professor.

Well, I’ve never met a teacher I couldn’t impress.

I don't expect I'll be the first. Rather, you won't want to make me the first, or you'll be punished in ways your other teachers, I imagine, only ever dreamed of.

You know I’ve never gotten detention in my life, either? Probably not that surprising.

What would detention with Professor Colchester be like?

I think the punishment would suit the wrongdoing. If I caught you fucking someone, I might make you write lines. "I must not be a dirty whore", maybe 50 times. Make it stick. If I caught you sending dirty texts to someone, I might make you read them out to me. Maybe I'd act them out with Greer, while you watched. If I found you wearing something inappropriate, maybe I'd make you take it off, wherever we were. It would look like whatever I wanted it to look like. Whatever teaches you best, and whatever pleases me.

There was a lot of interest in my tutoring and seminar post, when I first got here. So I think I’m going to set up some kind of lecture hall in the new year.

It definitely wouldn’t be appropriate to fool around there. And it would be pretty embarrassing to write “I must not be a dirty whore” where there should be— chemistry equations or literary quotes or something.

[ A pause, after she types that, diverging from the school fantasy where it snags on something real. Because it always does, with Ash, and that’s what makes Gwen squirm. ]

I do feel like one, sometimes.

[ Maybe whore isn’t the word she’d use. But— ]

A slut. After everything I’ve done since coming here. I always thought I’d save myself for a nice boyfriend, and that would be that.

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